I dont really want to watch TV right now, but the house seems so empty without Jakub to talk to. He is here, but is working and I dont want to disturb him. Tonight we are having friends over, which I am looking forward to, but until then I have nothing to fill my day. Errands I guess would work. Isnt that what mothers and women usually do on Saturdays to occupy themselves? Go shopping? But I dont want to. There is nothing I really “need” and I hate shopping without Jakub. I like going to the grocery store with him. I like going to Target and the mall with him. We talk and shop and amuse ourselves. When the lines are long I am not waiting by myself. No, I just turn and have someone to chat with, even if it is just to complain about how the line isnt moving. I have someone to drive me places and keep me from getting lost and frustrated on the road. Since moving to Boston I have hardly driven. I dont much care for the crowded streets, the traffic, the parallel parking, the 10 billion streets all named Washington! Jakub is my companion, my audience, the person that laughs at my jokes and entertains me as I make my way through the day. I dont know what exactly I am afraid of when I go off by myself. I have survived every foray into the wilderness of Boston. The loneliness of being stuck inside your head with no one to talk to? Of feeling vulnerable to the outside world? Not sure why I feel this way. Days like today I just stay home. It is grey outside so I dont feel like I am wasting the day. It would be nice though to have something to focus on and fill my hours.