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Im in a meeting today, kind of tired and falling asleep, looking out the window watching the flurries fall (apparently winter didnt get the memo that it is time to move on and let spring take over). Some recalls my mind back to the meeting at hand by asking me when I am going out on maternity leave. April 5. Just around the corner. Everyone is smiling and laughing and I want to say something clever or witty, but am too tired and thirsty to think of anything. I just nod and smile. Then this woman goes ” For people joining us on the phone, Elena here is so pregnant! She is more pregnant than me when I was pregnant with my two kids!” I smile, but seriously…what is she saying? How can someone be “Sooo” pregnant? It is something you either are, or not, there is no kind of pregnant, or a little pregnant. And then, Hello, I know I am big, but jeez Im pregnant and short! She is 5’7 or taller so yeah, I am going to bigger than her probably. This baby got nowhere to go but out! And of course everyone is now looking at my belly and thinking and judging how big I am. And I am just smiling like a moron as if I didnt get the little insult or dig.

A week ago, at the same meeting they all embarrassed me. Well, it was an awkward situation all around. There is a young male research assistant a few years older than me that sits in on the meeting. He has a girlfriend, but is not really ready to settle down, which is cool with me. In this meeting someone asks me how old I am. I say 26 soon to be 27 (April 1st for anyone that cares!) And this person turns to this male co worker and says “She is all grown up, are you ready to grow up?” He makes a comment like no not at all. And then someone else decides to join in and jokes with the idea that maybe he could be the father of my baby and try it out for a little bit. In my head I am like what the hell!! I am married, and my son has a perfectly wonderful father at home who doesnt need to “try it out”. It was so awkward. My co worker is my co worker and I don’t think of him in that way at all, and I would prefer it if no one else thought of us in that way as well! And it is even worse when the whole table is nodding and laughing and I am not sure how to respond. Why do people need to make jokes about my body, my life, my family? Just annoying when it happens.

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