Belly

Is anyone else amused conceptually how we carry our babies? They are in our tummies, associated with food, digestion. In ancient civilizations associated with life and feeling. Mateusz has been living in my body for 8 months. I have been carrying him with me everywhere. I am just amazed with this idea that he is in my belly. He is in my body in a way no one else has ever been in. His own personage, yet part of me. Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone.

My rib cage protects my heart, but what protects Mateusz? Where are the sturdy ribs he can hide behind in dangers? It is as if even when I am there I can only protect him so far. He is there growing in the softest part of my body. No bones, no armor to protect him. Yes I know my body is the softest there so it can stretch around him, I just fear that there is nothing to protect him. He is so exposed and so exposed on me. My beautiful son.

I thought about my son’s face this morning as I woke up. How he will look sleeping- which I am sure to see a lot of in the coming months. His little mouth slightly parted. His lips, maybe his father’s mouth or my mouth, breathing in and out. His little nose on his face still and soft. I thought of his checks, his hair, his eyes closed. I think of him and wonder about him. I am amazed with him and full of love for him. My arms cannot hold him or protect him yet. So I guess my belly will have to do. He is wrapped in me, in the essence of me. Home of nourishment and emotion.

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