You have an addictive personality. From now on you cannot be around alcohol or drugs or anything toxic. That means you can’t have a sip of father’s beer, you can’t compare notes of which shots are best with your Aunt, you can’t talk to me about Polish Vodka. Nothing. You need to learn to live without it. You are young, too young to understand so many things. Too young to understand that there is so much to life or to appreciate the life you do have. You are wasting it away. Maybe not now, maybe not in five years, maybe not even in ten, but down the road, in the future you will look back on it and say, Man I fucked up. It won’t be the college degree, it may not be the children or wife you could have had, but it will be the happiness that those around you have and you are missing or have to work twice as hard for. You have gotten yourself into some deep shit over the past couple years and you are so young. Can you over come these early struggles?? I honestly don’t know. It takes a mature, thoughtful person to conquer addiction. It takes someone that understands what they are missing out on to realize what they are capable of.
Who are you? That is not a mean question, put to you in anger or frustration as who you have become. I mean, who are you really? What are you running away from? Or what makes you unable to control yourself? A girl can’t be the root of this. You are a talented young man who is throwing his life away. You have an addictive personality. Addicted to people, to sex, to alcohol, to being high. Lack of confidence, lack of self esteem? And insecurity that is covered up? What is it that you are hiding away or looking for in the wrong places? You are not taking things seriously. You can’t tell people what they want to hear and then not follow through and think you won’t get caught. You will. Again, not right away, but eventually. Eventually they will know that you are high, making bad choices.
You need to stay on the straight and narrow. I know this is tough. This is so tough, especially for one so young. You can’t be a mooch anymore. You are getting to old to have mommy and daddy rescue you. They can be there to support you, to talk you through different situations, but you have to learn to be responsible. To hold yourself accountable for your actions. To care for yourself and have enough love for yourself. This is hard. Hard for you and hard for them. They all love you and want to be there for you, to catch you when you fall, to answer the phone when you call, but they can’t live your life for you. Or carry you as a burden forever. You need to stand and fight for your own life, for your own happiness. They can’t be the ones to answer No for you, no more than when you were a kid they could take the test for you, or go to school for you. You cannot cling to the shirttails of their success or expect them to walk under you with a safety net. It is up to you my friend. Up to you.
So I ask you, who are you really? Are you prepared to be a strong man and defend your life and you chance at happiness? When will you decide your life is worth fighting for? You have family who loves you, who is here for you. Who will help you in any way they can. But you need to live your life and make your own decisions. You need to know yourself, your limits and who you are strong enough to say No.
It is so sad my friend. So sad because there are so many pleasures and milestones in life you are missing out on. So many things that when you are older and reflect on your life you will say I could have, or should have. Everyone has those. But you, you my friend, will have many of them. When you are young and living day by day and in the moment, you don’t see the reflection. You don’t see the possibilities that are there when you are young. I wish for you that you clean yourself up. That you see that your list of regrets don’t keep getting longer. That you are able to minimize the damage and get on track. On your own track. Not the track your parents picked, or you think you should do. But a track that gives your life meaning to you. Be an artist. Be a mathematician. Be whatever it is that full fills you and keeps you sober. You are precious, son. So precious. Why through it away?
We can beg you. We can love you. We can yell at your. But what we can do is, is live your life for you. Only you hold the key to your sobriety. I wish for your success my friend.