My little niche in the world is changing. I don’t know why I am so surprised as my life has changed, and is changing so fast right now, but I am. I look at my neighborhood everyday and see the changes. One of the last pharmacies that was not linked to a CVS, or a Walgreens closed this summer. A used bookstore that is dusty and run by an old lady with cats is closing. The first local business I went to when I came to Brighton is just shut it’s doors for the last time. The mommy program that was a lifesaver over the last few months lost funding and is ending as of January 31st. I don’t know if this is cosmic forces aligning to make it easier for me to leave. My old haunts are disappearing, changing, and leaving, making way for something new, different, not mine. It is okay. It is life, but it is bitter sweet to me. This street that I have walked for four years is evolving. In my heart I am rebelling, in my head I know that this is how it should be. Somehow I remember things and treasure them as if they were in a capsule, expecting them not to change, but go on as I have remembered them. I feel like my hold on my community, the community that saw me marry, have a son, have a family is suddenly weakening. It is time to reach out and grab onto something. Start a new and move on. Find a different area to find my feet on and grow attached to.
The past few days Jakub and I have been looking around our apartment and thinking we need a house. Between the baby gear and my inability to keep organized the place is a zoo. We need a house. A room for Jakub to work in that has a desk and a comfortable chair. A place for me to be cozy and relaxed in. We need space where we are not constantly stepping on one another. We are looking for a place. Looking for a new place to call home. Looking for the change to come and our lives to begin again. We are looking and looking, and now I am beginning to see that change is also looking for us. Finding us and letting us go.