An email about health
01 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
No one has specifically said that I should stop, but I feel like I am asking a lot of my body. My doctor, midwife and his pediatrician suggested it might be a good idea, but left it up to me. I am going into this pregnancy already anemica and out of shape. I know that my body will make the growing baby top priority (which is beautiful), and I know my body will continue to make milk, I am just worried about what is left over for me 
Call me selfish, but I don’t want weak bones or broken teeth in five years I know that pregnancy is hard, at least it was for me the first time around. And I went into it healthy and more in shape than I am now. I already feel the changes in breasts, and in my joints. The tiredness and sickness haven’t settled in just yet, but I know it is only a matter of another week or so. Last time I was throwing up and couldn’t even go into the grocery store without dry heaving. I was really limited with what I was able to eat and how much energy I had. I was anemic by month 5 (still taking prenatal vitamins and iron supplements) and I have never gotten my iron up since. So that is more less why I am a little trepidatious about continuing to nurse.
Son
07 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
9 months. I think how the last 9 months have changed my life. My sleep is periodically broken by a cry, or a nursing session. My mornings often start off with a poopy diaper. Matuesz is now crawling and investigating his surroundings. He observes everything we do and tries to interact with us. Shaking his head, yelling, moving his hands.He is the best part of my life. I love seeing him in the morning. I love being with him all day, in all his moods. At night we have bath time, if he is awake enough we read. If not, he and I go into the bedroom. Turn off all the lights, and he nurses. I sing to him, rock in the computer chair. It is our quiet time. Just him and me. He curls up into me and I wrap the blanket around him. I know that what I am writing, or what my life is, isn’t earth shattering, isn’t rock your world kind of activities. It is just a snapshot of the joys I receive by being part of my son’s life. Our little routines. Our day by day musings.
He has 6 teeth. Four on top, and two on the bottom. His hair is coming in thicker and stronger, it might even have a wave to it. His eyes are big and dark dark brown. And his laugh…oh his laugh brings joy to the souls who hear it. His smile, brightens the room. I am serious. HIs little face just erupts in happiness.
The other day he was laying on the floor in great grandma’s nursing home. The curtains were parted and the sun was streaming in. He lay looked at that ray of light and held out his hand trying to grasp it between his fingers. He leaned down on the floor and started scratching trying to pick it up. He wanted to hold that sunshine, that light of the universe. He looked at me and smiled. I wanted to pick up and hold my ray of sunshine. Sometimes I can’t hold him tight enough. Love him strong enough. He is my world, my joy.
He sleeps now. Resting on his tummy, chewing on his blanket. He loves chewing on his blankets. They are his pacifiers, his chew toys. They help him sleep and bring comfort to him when he is alone in his crib. He never was one for binkys, or teething rings. Give him a blanket and he will amuse himself with peek-a-boo, and by fingering and chewing on it. He falls asleep in the car with his blanket hanging out of his mouth. I hear him putting himself to sleep in his crib. He cries and cries till he puts the blanket in his mouth, then I hear him fussing and munching on it, and then silence. I go in and look at him and his asleep holding it moving it ever so slightly through his fingers. He melts my heart.
Mateusz is such a good baby. He smiles, laughs, looks around, is not bothered when other kids touch or pull on him. He is such a content little guy. His expressions are priceless. Even his thinking face is cute. His little furrowed brows observing you, questioning you, wondering what you are doing. I love it!
Home sweet House!
18 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
It was Thursday, Jakub and I were planning to go see my parents and then see his family in New Jersey the day after. We had a busy weekend to plan for. However, I had decided that I wanted to see houses that day. I had scheduled appointments and they needed to be kept- come hell or high water! I had been looking the night before and saw a beautiful home! I was so excited to see it. So excited I couldn’t sleep and kept looking at the listings late into the night. Around midnight I saw another home go onto the market that looked promising too- gotta love the spring market! And I thought while we are in the area, lets see it! So with all that in mind I was trying to get the family ready for the weekend and see the houses. Jakub was working form home, Mateusz needed to be packed, I needed to pack and we needed to all be in the car by 3:30 to make it on time.
3:45 we pull off the curb. Late. Jakub and I are bickering the whole way there. Tensions are high while we drive into the rainy gloomy weather. We arrive late, as expected. But tentions die as we see the house that I scheduled at midnight. Charming. That is the word. Charming. It is a bit far from town, but oh the house. Configuration just like I wanted. Three bedrooms upstairs, one down stairs, a finished basement, dinning room, living room, biggish kitchen. Just wow. Perfection condition. A deck, a sun room, a garage. Level property, woods, friendly neighborhood, quiet street. I mean, wow. The relator makes a comment, this house won’t stay on the market long. Jakub and I think on it. But there are other houses to see, so we quickly wrap things up and off we go.
The second house has a lot going for it, till we see the basement. There is a huge stone on the middle of the floor. Rock all around. Impossible to finish off.
The third house…are kidding me? complete overhaul. No way.
Jakub and I are talking. I am on the fence. I mean, we didnt really see the house. We just kind of walked through. But the space, for that price. It is the nicest house we have seen. And it wont stay on the market long. By midnight, I have decided I want that house. I wake Jakub up, want to put a bid in? In the morning we discuss it. I am adamant, I want to put a bid in. Just to test the waters. Jakub calls family. Second opinions are good. He calls the relator, maybe we can drive back to see it today. Relator says there are two other families seeing for a second time on Saturday,we have to make a move. Jakub and I get the in car to see the house again, a two hour drive over mountains. It is snowy we have to turn back and just put a bid in.
It is Friday the 13. 8 months to the day after Mateusz was born. We make our move and bid. All eggs in one basket.
Saturday night we get a call from the relator. Three other offers on OUR house. What is our max? How bad do we want it? Jakub and I are talk. We are willing to let it go. It is a beautiful home, but if it’s not meant to be, so be it. It was a great learning experience, but we are realistic. We put our max , but are feeling like we can walk away. We are flexible with moving so I hope that works in our favor. We did the best we could and now it is not in our hands.
Sunday we get a call from our relator. Our bid was accepted. Very calm and nonchalant. Our bid was accepted. Our offer was competitive, it was the first offer, and we were flexible with move in date. Our bid was accepted. We have a home. A home, a house for Mateusz. A place for his room. A yard for him to play in. We are thrilled.
Tuesday we see the house a second time. Vastly different is it this time, knowing that it will be ours. I love it. I mean, I let the full feelings flow. This is a great home for us. A great home for our family. Charming. So charming. And it will be ours.
closing…
15 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
My little niche in the world is changing. I don’t know why I am so surprised as my life has changed, and is changing so fast right now, but I am. I look at my neighborhood everyday and see the changes. One of the last pharmacies that was not linked to a CVS, or a Walgreens closed this summer. A used bookstore that is dusty and run by an old lady with cats is closing. The first local business I went to when I came to Brighton is just shut it’s doors for the last time. The mommy program that was a lifesaver over the last few months lost funding and is ending as of January 31st. I don’t know if this is cosmic forces aligning to make it easier for me to leave. My old haunts are disappearing, changing, and leaving, making way for something new, different, not mine. It is okay. It is life, but it is bitter sweet to me. This street that I have walked for four years is evolving. In my heart I am rebelling, in my head I know that this is how it should be. Somehow I remember things and treasure them as if they were in a capsule, expecting them not to change, but go on as I have remembered them. I feel like my hold on my community, the community that saw me marry, have a son, have a family is suddenly weakening. It is time to reach out and grab onto something. Start a new and move on. Find a different area to find my feet on and grow attached to.
The past few days Jakub and I have been looking around our apartment and thinking we need a house. Between the baby gear and my inability to keep organized the place is a zoo. We need a house. A room for Jakub to work in that has a desk and a comfortable chair. A place for me to be cozy and relaxed in. We need space where we are not constantly stepping on one another. We are looking for a place. Looking for a new place to call home. Looking for the change to come and our lives to begin again. We are looking and looking, and now I am beginning to see that change is also looking for us. Finding us and letting us go.
city mama??
07 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
Hmmm I don’t know if I will be able to call myself that that much longer….We are moving. I dont know when, or exactly where, but we are moving…Moving to the SUBURBS!!! Frightening, and freedom all at once. Freedom to have an extra bedroom, an extra dinning room, a basement, a PARKING SPACE. Frightening to leave friends, mommy groups, the resources. To leave the walks to the store on the corner, the bakery up the street, the CVS thats right there! I don’t know. On oen hand it is exactly what I want, what we really need. On the other hand, I am afraid. I have rebelled against the burbs, against what they stand for- conformity, loss of adventure. But with a baby…the city is hard with a baby. We have to worry about crying because of neighbors. We have to park up the street sometimes and carry the baby up stairs. We have no room in our place. We are dependent on the landlord to mow the grass. No swingset, sandbox can be put up without permission. I just feel torn between these two worlds. I will no longer be a city mom. With friends in walking distances and parks and ponds at our finger tips, as well as busses and stores. We will trade all this for a three (or FOUR) bedroom house with 1.5 or TWO bathrooms and a small plot of land to call our own…is it worth it? Sometimes I jump up screaming YES YES! othertimes, I waiver. Is it worth it? I am going into the unknown. A place of driveways and garages, mortgages, and SUVs…is that who we are? Is that who we have become since having a baby? Are our fun city days over? I will no longer tell people I live in Boston with a twinkle in my eye…I will say “I live in (fill in blank of boring suburb) about 40 min from the city…from civilization…from life….” Without a car and with a toddler how will my day look? We will walk around our little street looking at other houses with white fences with no trucks to mar the scene. We wont be with in walking distance of anything besides the house next to ours…But we will have our own home. We will be investing in a future instead of our landlords…We will have a place to raise our son. A place he will know as Home..and it will be his as it will be ours.
